Shadow Days
by flutegirl0422
Summary: James and Kendall had a great thing going. They were both at USC, months away from graduation and loving life in their bachelor pad. When an old friend from their boy band glory days comes back into their life, someone James had been fine without for the last four years, their frienships and character will be tested in ways they never expected.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – Breaking the News

"Kendall, hurry up! If I'm late to another class, Rogers is gonna kill me!" a tall young man with floppy chestnut locks and a worried expression yelled from the doorway.

Dashing past the brunette, Kendall sped out the door while stuffing one last piece of paper into an already overflowing backpack. "James, I would like to point out that this is the first time all semester that I've been late," the blonde called out behind him. "Also, how do you manage to be late to your classes when we get to school at the same time? Hell, you even have a half hour longer than I do to get to class!"

James avoided verbally answering the question, instead giving his friend a pointed glare. Kendall knew that James wasn't exactly the most punctual person, and when you factor in that he was very easily distracted by his girlfriend, Laura, it wasn't difficult to see how Mr. Diamond was constantly tardy.

"I know you don't get a lot of chances to see Laura during the day, but don't you think graduating is a bit more important than an early morning quickie?"

James stopped dead in his tracks. "Never, EVER, underestimate the benefits of a quick roll in the hay. It's been said to improve quality of life in several areas, including but not limited to lower blood pressure, less stress, and better hair."

"Glad to know the bulk of your education is being appropriated to the benefits of sexual intercourse," Kendall quipped as the two got into the car.

After the boys graduated high school, they decided to go on with their education without all the pressures of being Big Time Rush. They had all saved up quite a bit through the years so that they could pay for school and they felt their time as pop stars had run its course. James had decided to stay in Los Angeles for school, having fallen in love with the city as soon as he had arrived. Looking to become the next Ryan Seacrest, he went into broadcast journalism at USC. Much to everyone's surprise, Kendall stayed along with him. Though hockey had always been Kendall's passion, he had gotten behind the board with Gustavo on their last album and his dreams of playing for the Minnesota Wild were quickly replaced by his newfound love of music production. In fact, the only one of the boys that continued playing hockey was Carlos, but he found his talents being used in a quite unlikely place. Carlos had been recruited by several schools for his hockey abilities, but chose to stay close to California and attend Arizona State University. It pained him to be a Sun Devil at times, seeing as his best friends were going to a much hated Pac-12 rival school, but they always settled their friendly rivalries on the ice.

Logan also stayed on the west coast, going to Stanford as a pre-med student. He, too, had continued following his original dream, his sights set on becoming a doctor. Though he didn't have much time to do so, Logan had worked several times with Dr. Hollywood while he was still in Los Angeles, giving him an edge over his" Big Three reject" colleagues. It was a harsh moniker, but Logan lost count of all the "I applied to *insert Ivy League school here*, but they wouldn't take me" stories he'd heard by the time he'd finished his first month of school.

Yes, the boys had had their fill of the limelight, but the rest of the Palm Woods crew thought otherwise. Many of Big Time Rush's earliest supporters had gone on to become great stars in their own right. The Jennifers booked a string of successful movie musicals as background dancers and singers, landing each of them on Broadway. Guitar Dude had found work as a songwriter at Rocque Records after Gustavo and Kelly had their second child. Gustavo, of course, was quite reluctant at first, but his lovely assistant/wife knew best (and even if she didn't, it was in his best interest to just go with whatever she said). Jo eventually returned from New Zealand, now a bigger star than ever. While she and Kendall never did get back together, she continues to meet up with the guys as often as she can. The only one that fell off the radar was Camille. No one really knew exactly what happened. Well, no one except James. On the boys' last day at the Palm Woods, the two got into a huge argument and after that, no one really heard much from her. Kendall had done some digging a few years back and found her still in LA doing some regional theater work. He went and saw her perform, and though she wasn't happy, she was nice enough to say hi to him afterwards. Camille asked him not to look for her again, but this couldn't dissuade Kendall. Periodically, he would try to look her up, but she was nowhere to be found. That was, until last night.

Kendall made his way on to the freeway, rushing into the carpool lane in hopes of making his trip to school quicker. With the conversation he was about to initiate, Kendall definitely wanted to hasten the drive. "So, James. You know that thing that we don't talk about?"

"What thing?" James replied warily.

"You know…the Camille thing?"

"You're not seriously bringing that up right now."

"Yes, I am! It's important, okay. You know I wouldn't talk about it if it wasn't. Besides, it's been almost four years. Don't you think by now you should be able to tell me what happened?"

"I could tell you, but that would mean I want to talk about it, and I don't. You know this."

"But I think it's really important that we talk about it now."

"Kendall, what difference does it make? It's not like I'm gonna see her again."

The blonde squeaked. "Actually…"

"NO. OH no no no-no-no. Kendall Donald Knight, you tell me what the hell is going on, and you tell me NOW."

"Okay, mom! Jeez. Look, long story short, Camille's coming to stay with us."

James' eyes widened in fear as his hands crashed upon the dashboard. "WHY. DEAR LORD, WHY."

"James, she's in trouble. She didn't tell me everything, but she's in a really bad place right now. No place to go, no job, nothing."

"How'd you even find out?"

"At the end of freshman year, I went and looked for her. She was in a play nearby and I went to see her. She wasn't happy, but we talked for a bit. I gave her my number just in case she ever wanted to keep in touch. I was hoping the next time we met it would be under better circumstances, but…"

"Dammit, Kendall. It's just not enough for you to let things be, is it?" James hung his head, obviously more upset at himself than his driver. The brunette seethed for a while, then sighed. "How was she? When you saw her last?"

"Well, she seemed alright. She had a steady job, she was acting, which you know she loves. I don't know what went wrong, really. I mean, she could have been saving face back then, but a lot can happen in a few years."

The rest of their drive was quiet, but Kendall could sense how troubled James was. He wished there was a better time or place to talk to James about all this, but given that Camille was supposed to be at their place when they got back from class, Kendall had to break it to him, sooner rather than later.

"Hey, James?" Kendall said as they got out of the car. "Sorry about all of this. I know it's a mess. Wanna talk about it some more over lunch?"

"I'll think about it," said James as he sloughed off to class.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Not A Good Day

As James walked to class, a bleach-blonde, life-size Barbie appeared on his arm.

"Jamie, you don't look yourself," the girl said in her best Paris Hilton impersonation upon seeing the pop star's face minus his winning smile. She leaned up to him and nibbled at his ear, whispering, "The supply closet by Roger's classroom is free…I bet I know how I can make you smile."

"Laura, today isn't really a good day for that."

"Well, aren't we getting adventurous? What did you have in mind?" Her question dripped with desire.

James sped up his pace, trying to escape the talon-like grip of his girlfriend's plastic nails "Not now, babe. Really, I'm not in the mood."

The bottle blonde reached up and touched James' forehead. "Alright, you're not sick. Something's really bothering you, isn't it?"

"Welcome to the conversation, Laura!" he snapped.

"Wow. What the hell crawled up your ass and died?"

James stopped dead in his tracks, looking Laura straight in the eye. "I just got some really shitty news, that's what! How insensitive can you be? And even if that weren't the case, what's so wrong about me not wanting to fuck you every five seconds? Can't we just talk every once in a while? Isn't that what people do?"

"That's what _people_ do. That's not what James Diamond does."

"Is that all I am to you? 'Cause let me tell you, if you need to get your rocks off, you can take a nice little jaunt down to the nearest sex shop. I'm sure they'd be happy to sell you a vibrator. I hear they have a two for one special going on right now!"

The next thing James knew, his face burned and his now ex-girlfriend was disappearing before his eyes. As he heard the clickity-clack of her heels fade away, it dawned on him that today was shaping up to be a real mess.

Kendall slid into his seat right as the second hand inched its way past the 12, indicating that he was exactly one second late to his Interdisciplinary Media Studies class. He felt his stomach drop as he watched the clock, wishing he could turn it back just a bit. As he wiped a bit of sweat from his brow, he looked up and realized that his teacher was, in fact, absent from her usual place at the front of the classroom.

"Whoa, Kendall, you need to chill out," said his friend Addie from behind him.

A familiar but unwelcome voice came from his left. "Yeah, man. What's the big time rush?" The question was dripping with sarcasm.

"Real clever, Jett," Kendall retorted with a smirk. Jett Stetson, Kendall's biggest rival, also happened to be attending USC, although whether he was actually pursuing a degree or trying to perfect the art of ruining Kendall's life was yet to be determined. Jett, as a drama major, wouldn't normally be in Kendall's classes, but evidently, they both signed up for the same elective, a coincidence Kendall would never live down.

Kendall turned back towards the girl behind him. "I got off to a late start this morning, plus my roommate and I are having some issues, so overall, it's not looking like a great day for me."

"Well, I'm pretty sure class is gonna be cancelled, so that should make your day a little bit better," Addie replied with a smile. In all honesty, just seeing Addie's crimson pixie cut and beaming smile brightened Kendall's day, but that was another matter entirely. "Wanna get some coffee if Dr. Cohen is a no-show?"

THWACK! A stack of papers flew down onto Addie's desk, nearly crushing Kendall's fingers. "Sorry to interrupt your plans, Miss Parker, but your date with Mr. Knight is going to have to wait."

The two whipped their heads around, finding Dr. Cohen standing right above them. Kendall's eyes opened wide as he realized what his teacher had just implied. "Date? What date? TOTALLY not a date, am I right Addie? No? Okay…I'm just gonna shut up now."

As Dr. Cohen made her way to the front of the class, Kendall felt a cool hissing in his ear say, "Real smooth, hockey pucks." The blonde shoved the Pop Tiger has-been and looked down at his notebook.

_Definitely not a good day._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – A Revelation

Kendall left Dr. Cohen's class as swiftly as possible, making sure to give Addie a rain check on that coffee not-a-date on his way out the door. As he walked down the hall, he felt a dull buzz in his pocket. He opened his phone and saw that it was a message from Carlos.

**Hey bud. How's it hangin? - cg**

_Thank God,_ Kendall thought. Even though Carlos was far away, he always had this knack for being there for Kendall when he needed a friend, even if it was just to shoot the breeze.

**Hey, bro! I'm alright. – ktothek**

**Just alright? – cg**

**Well, you know Camille? – ktothek**

**Like palmwoods camille? Is she even still alive? – cg**

**Def still alive. And coming to live with me and James. – ktothek**

**WHAT. How's james handling that? – cg**

**I dunno. He and I are supposedly talking more about it over lunch. – ktothek**

**How did that even happen? – cg**

**She's in some trouble and she had my number, so she called to see if I could help out. – ktothek**

**Wow…i hope nothing too bad. – cg**

**She said she's just hard up for money right now and doesn't have a place anymore. Sounds pretty rough. – ktothek**

**I bet. Well, i got class now, i'll ttyl. Call me later and tell james hey from me- cg**

Kendall had reached his usual table in the student union and took a seat, hoping for James to arrive within the hour to discuss the Camille situation. As he sat poring through the lastest copy of Rolling Stone, he couldn't help but smile at all the familiar faces he saw. Though the pop star life was far behind him, some of Kendall's closest friends were in the industry still, making it difficult for him not to run into their names in magazines or on television every so often. The one name that piqued his interest, however, was "Katie Knight". Apparently Russell Brand had just released an album, and while reading the blurb about the 4.5 star rating the British comedian's sophomore LP, he couldn't help but notice seeing his baby sister's name come up in the by-line. Just then, James came to the table, throwing his bag on the table in a huff.

"Glad you came. I'd ask if something's wrong, but I already know the-"

"Laura and I broke up," James interjected. He put his head in his hands, running his fingers through his hair as he stared at the table.

"Whoa. And I thought my day was off to a rough start. Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. She's a bitch and I'm an idiot. That about covers it."

Kendall couldn't help but grin. "You're right, she is a bitch. You, however, are not an idiot."

"Kendall, I love you like a brother, but can we skip the speech and go straight to the part where you buy me lunch?" Through the frown, there was an impish twinkle in James' eyes.

"Normally, I wouldn't, but I feel kind of dick-ish for springing this whole Camille thing on you, so I'll go ahead and pay today."

As Kendall walked off, James felt the world stop around him. Everything was silenced and it was as if time stood still. He thought about the last time he saw Camille, wondering how it was going to be seeing her again. Would she even speak to him? Things ended so poorly between them that James didn't know at all how he would react. It was definitely his fault that things ended so poorly, but after almost four years, an apology would be practically worthless. James could still hear her cry out to him as if it were yesterday. "Wait…I didn't mean it…don't go!" What would have happened if he did stay?

Suddenly, he felt warm tears stream down his face, and everything came flooding back. The dull cacophony of people going about their day consumed his thoughts once more. As he reached for a napkin, hoping to rid the evidence of his small breakdown, someone handed him a handkerchief, monogrammed with a large red K. "Come on, James. We can eat this on the road."

The drive down the 110 back to Torrance was always relaxing to both of the boys, James especially. Though they had grown accustomed to the fast paced life of downtown LA, Kendall and James both had enough of the Hollywood life and wanted to find a place that was all their own, quiet and far from the bustling city. Traffic was always a nightmare, but somehow the standstill during rush hour and the sight of the city slowly disappearing gave James a sense of calm relief.

As Kendall made his way down the freeway, he glanced to his right, watching James blindly eating **some** french fries, hazel eyes fixed on the rearview mirror.

"I know you're probably sick of me asking this, but you wouldn't want to talk about what happened back there, would you?" the blonde said after a few moments.

James came out of his trance and slowly turned to Kendall. After a long sigh, he replied, "I don't know what to do. I'm pissed at her. I'm pissed at me. And you. And I know that all this isn't completely your fault. But I haven't seen her, spoken to her, even said her name in years and now she's back in my life. I'm trying to figure out how this is all going to play out and to be completely honest, I'm fucking scared, Kendall. The last time we…" James voice caught for a moment. "You didn't hear her words, see her face. How could we possibly ever live together, let alone speak again? What am I supposed to do?"

As James stared at his friend, he saw the hazy sky go dark with cloud cover, as if to show him what Kendall was really thinking. It was uncharacteristic for Kendall to be unsure of what to do. Kendall was always the one to get the boys out of trouble when they were younger, but deep down James knew that there would come a day when his best friend wouldn't be able to help him out. It was finally time to start dealing with things himself.

For the second time that day, a busy silence fell on the car, both boys with gears turning trying to understand this intricate situation. As they pulled up to the house, Kendall let in a short quick breath noticing an unfamiliar car in the driveway. "James," he said quietly. "I think she's here."

James stared at the small silver car parked in Kendall's usual spot. His eyes were transfixed on the vehicle, studying its every nook and cranny, trying to take it all in. After what seemed like a quiet but meaningful lifetime, James bolted out of the car and grabbed his things from the back with newfound gusto. Kendall gave him a quizzical look as the two made their way towards the door.

"Dude, what happened? Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, I did," said James, whipping around to face Kendall. The blonde noticed a sudden fire in his friends eyes. Suddenly, James sauntered up to the door, put his key in the lock, and turned the bolt in one swift motion. "I guess there's no turning back now."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – Coming Home

As they crossed the threshold, James let out a long sigh, unaware he had stopped breathing. Standing in the living room was Camille, shocked by the sudden and forceful opening of the door. James looked the thin girl up and down, her delicate frame much smaller than he remembered. For the most part, she looked like the same Camille he knew all those years ago, but it was apparent that time had gotten the best of her. The luster was gone from her hair and it was much shorter now. The biggest difference though, was in her eyes. Camille was the most positive person James had ever met, and no matter how dire the circumstance, her eyes were always smiling as if she could envision the happy ending waiting just around the corner. James almost let out a sob seeing that her smiling eyes had disappeared, replaced with emptiness and despair.

"I…I like your hair," he finally stammered.

"Thanks." She was curt, but faked a smile anyway.

Just then a little boy bounded through the room. Stopping in front of James and Kendall, the boy shouted "INTRUDERS!" and began shooting upon them with his index fingers, fully loaded and set to kill.

James just stared at Camille while Kendall scooped the boy up. "So, who's this little guy. You didn't mention a kid earlier."

"That's my little boy," Camille's smile grew. "His name's Henry."

"Wait, he's yours?" Kendall's face scrunched up in confusion. James remained stoic, though beads of sweat began to grow on his brow. "You were…but…WHOA." Kendall gently placed Henry back on the ground as he staggered towards the couch.

Once Henry was on the ground, he clung to James' long leg, settling comfortably into the young man's sneaker. James finally looked down at the boy, noticing right away that Henry shared his mother's dark curls and milky complexion. As James studied Henry's face, he discovered other features, like the boy's hazel eyes and his huge smile. They weren't Camille's features, surely, but they weren't altogether unfamiliar.

Camille's eyes widened with realization. "Kendall, I think you two need to have a little chat. Henry, let's go get a snack, shall we?"

The toddler was reluctant, but relinquished James' leg to follow his mother into the kitchen. Kendall looked up at James. "Did you know she had a kid? How could you know that? You guys haven't spoken since…"

James sighed. "Did you get a good look at Henry's face?"

"Not really."

"He has my eyes. Almost my whole face, actually. He's the spitting image of me as a kid."

"Wait a minute. He…" Kendall sat flabbergasted as he tried to process everything he just heard. "So Henry…is yours?"

"Yes. Yes, he is."

"You knew Camille might have a kid and you didn't warn me?"

"It's….it's complicated, alright?"

"I have time." Kendall said, patting the seat next to him.

"Well," began James as he sat down, "it all started at our going away party."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – A Long Awaited Party

The Palm Woods was buzzing with energy. The boys of Big Time Rush were going their separate ways and heading on to bigger and better things. Stars, both celestial and celebrity, had come out to celebrate the culmination of a great musical journey. Long after the A-listers had gone home, Logan, Carlos, James, and Kendall sat around the fireplace reminiscing with Guitar Dude, Camille, Jo, and Katie.

Carlos chuckled as a new memory popped in his head. "Hey, Logan. Remember when you, me, and James moved out of 2J?"

"OH YEAH! And I moved into one of the beach cabanas? That was priceless."

"I have to admit, your cabana was much classier than my box. I think James won that one, though."

Jo looked at the boys, perplexed. "Why did you guys move out?"

The four of them were silent for a moment, glancing at one another. Suddenly, they burst into hysterics. Carlos, through deep laughs, replied, "I honestly don't even remember!"

"You know," said James, putting one arm around Katie, and one around Camille, "I still have the keys to that old guy's apartment."

Logan gave him a glance through thin eyes. "How did you manage that?"

"He never came back from his vacation."

"James…" Camille said quietly. "What if he _died_?"

"He didn't. I asked Bitters about him once, and apparently the guy found a gal and finally settled down after almost seven decades of bachelorhood. She's a real looker, too."

"Very nice, very nice!" said Kendall with his best Borat impression.

Katie gave her brother a wary glance before looking up at James. "So you're saying you've had a key to this empty apartment for the last two years? What the heck have you been using it for?"

Kendall shot a knowing look and immediately went into over-bearing dad mode. Rather than lecturing Katie, however, he went straight for the tall young man whose arms were draped around her. "James, you are not taking Katie up there. Don't even think about thinking about it!"

"Why would I do that?" the known ladies man shouted back. "Hashtag AWKWARD, dude!"

"Well, that answered my question," said Katie with a chuckle as the two boys continued to bicker.

Meanwhile, Logan and Camille had started dancing together while Guitar Dude serenaded them and Jo was playing with Carlos' beloved helmet.

As Camille danced with Logan, she was taken back to the days of their on-again/off-again romance. Eventually, the two settled into a permanently off-again friendship, but she couldn't help but wonder how they had managed to stay friends. "Logan, I wonder every day how I'm still friends with you despite how I put you through the wringer back in the day."

"Lack of options?" joked Logan with a winning smile, wincing as Camille's hand whizzed past his face.

"Next time," she promised, "I won't miss."

"It's not like it matters. I'm pretty sure I lost all feeling in my face a long time ago, anyway. But to answer your question, I honestly have no idea how we managed it. I do know, though, that I'm gonna miss spending time with you after we're gone."

"Bitters gave you three weeks, yeah?"

"Yup. I think a tiny part of him is sad we're leaving. Normally, people are out and replaced within days."

"We're all gonna miss you guys," Camille said, her sad expression unusually real. By now the music had stopped and the others had gathered, sitting with their feet in the edge of the pool. "You guys bring out the best in all of us. I mean, without James, I wouldn't have won most of my auditions. Without you, I wouldn't have learned how to be friends without benefits. Thanks to Kendall, I had a wonderful skating partner…although I am glad his career's over. And Carlos is just about the sweetest and craziest person I've ever met."

"She's totally right, dudes," Guitar Dude chimed in. "Y'all are totally awesome. Like that one time when you guys chased that ghost out of the Palm Woods, or that other time we partied in Malibu. Maaaan. Y'all are cool, brah."

Jo wrapped an arm around Kendall's shoulders and pulled him close. "I just got back and already you guys are leaving again. I've had some of the best times of my life with you all. And even though I'm sad to see you go, I hope that you all have a great run with whatever it is you find yourselves doing in the future."

Having sensed a toast coming on, James prepared a few blue Solo cups filled with a fine Riesling he snatched from the caterers earlier in the evening. Raising his glass, he proposed, "Here's to all the great times we had before, and to living it BIG TIME!"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 – Regrets

At around 2am, Kendall, Katie, and Logan went up to 2J to get a good night's rest. Not long before, Guitar Dude had swept Jo off to his place and Carlos went to find a corn dog (alcohol makes him really hungry). James and Camille sat by the dying fire, finishing off a second bottle of wine together. The two were propped up by the wall behind them, staring up at the empty night sky.

"How come there aren't any stars in Hollywood, James?" Camille asked dreamily as her head slowly drooped down upon the boy's rugged shoulder.

James, who held his liquor much better than his female companion, felt his cheeks flush as her curls brushed his skin. Though he'd never tell a soul, James had been waiting for a moment like this ever since the pair had kissed while rehearsing that hair-model-spy-prince/robot scene a few years back. Admittedly, he had hoped that Camille would be sober for it, but she'd been so caught up fending off Logan and later, rebuilding that bridge that she would probably never have gone for James on her own. Sure, the two spent plenty of time together running lines and rehearsing for auditions, but after that incident, Camille made it very clear that the two were just friends. After a few seconds of merely enjoying her nearness, James ran his fingers through her curls. Finally, he answered playfully, "Hollywood is full of stars. We were just surrounded by some a few hours ago." He smirked a bit as he spoke.

Camille giggled and pointed above them. "No, silly. I mean those stars. Up there."

"Oh. Well, I'm guessing it's because of all the light pollution? And possibly the regular pollution."

"I miss the stars, James. When I was a little girl, I'd look up at those stars every night and wonder what it'd be like to be up there among them. You know what I mean? Stars, they're just so beautiful, so magical, so wonderful, so…" Camille stopped her rambling for a moment to find the right words, but after a few seconds, reached for the wine bottle beside her instead. As it reached her lips and she discovered it empty, James grabbed the bottle and put it on the floor next to him. She pouted as she whined, "James, give that back. I need it."

"I think you've had all you need of this, dear," he replied, patting her head.

"Don't patronize me, James. I'm not a child."

"Bold words from someone as drunk as you are. Tell you what. If you can tell me why you need it so badly, then I'll consider getting you some more."

"I want to be a star, James. And that," she slurred, pointing across his lap at the empty bottle, "makes me feel like a star."

"Camille," his voice broke as he said her name. "You are a star."

"No, I'm not, James. I'm not a star. I'm just a girl chasing after a dream, just like anyone else in this town."

"Okay, you know that's not true. You've worked hard to get to where you are, and you haven't even started yet."

Camille smiled and looked up at James, her eyes wide with wonder. "You know, maybe I don't need that bottle to make me feel better after all." Before he knew it, Camille's lips were gently pressed upon his. James sunk into the kiss, reveling in the feeling he'd longed for for years. As soon as the ecstasy had come, however, it was gone and replaced with doubt and shame.

Quickly, James broke the kiss. "Cam, we can't. You're—"

He was silenced by another kiss, this one deeper, more passionate. "I know." Camille's bright brown eyes burned through him with desire as she leaned up to whisper in his ear. "So am I ever gonna see this second apartment of yours?"


	7. Chapter 7

**AN - Hey everyone! Thanks for all the kind words regarding the story :) This is my first attempt at a multi-chapter fic, so I'm glad to see it's being well received. 3**

Chapter 7 - Dinner and a Show

"So…that's how it all happened?"

"Yup," said James, staring out towards the kitchen where Camille and Henry had started cooking. "And…now I'm a dad."

Kendall, too, looked out to the mother and son as they played together. "Wait, when did it all go south, then? You never got to that part."

James looked back at his friend with a stern expression. What was he supposed to say to Kendall, this beacon of decency? Kendall was always the type to stay on the straight and narrow, do the right thing. How could James possibly say that he walked out on Camille when she needed him the most? Kendall would never understand. Thoughts swirled through his mind as he contemplated what to say until finally James settled on silence, at least for now.

Kendall patted the tall brunette on the back, understanding that all would reveal itself in due time. "Just don't wait four years to tell me this time," he told James as he got up. "C'mon. We should get a good meal in us. Then maybe we can start figuring all this out."

It was difficult having Camille around the house. James found himself glancing in her direction more than once, taking in every turn in her curly locks and drinking in her slender frame, searching for that spark to return. After recounting everything to Kendall, he realized that it wasn't entirely his fault that this all happened, but that didn't make it any easier. In fact, it made things even worse. While he wasn't completely to blame, James never did own up to his mistake, and that killed him more than anything. Even more than that, though, was that another life was at stake. He had brought Henry into this world and even though it wasn't planned, he still felt responsible for his son. Every day he wondered about his child, whether Camille had kept it, if he or she would be healthy and happy, if they would ever meet. James considered himself lucky to have a chance to be in Henry's life, but the prospect still scared him out of his mind.

James was pretty lost when it came to children and though he loved his parents, the Diamonds were far from the best example. The one thing James did know when it came to parenting? _Don't be like your dad._ So far, he wasn't even doing a stellar job following that. With an absentee playboy father and over bearing mother, James was a recipe for parenting disaster. At least Brooke Diamond meant well with James.

Another thing that got to James was how much Henry looked like him. Sure, Henry was obviously a Roberts with his pale skin and huge curls, but those eyes were all Diamond. They were the one thing James had inherited from his father that he appreciated. And those cheekbones? Grandma Brooke would be proud.

That was always the hardest part about the whole situation. As much as James talked to his mother, in four years he had never told her what happened. Brooke knew something was wrong when she found out that the boys' trip back to Minnesota before starting school had been his idea, but it was imperative to James that he kept this particular secret from her. Brooke had made a name for herself as the Estee Lauder of the Midwest, but not without some struggles, and he didn't want to add to the list. In a lot of ways, James' story was similar to Henry's. Unfortunately, James got to see firsthand the effects of an unplanned pregnancy on a young couple and after ten years, his parents finally called it quits. James was glad to have spared Henry the nightly arguments and the grueling custody battles, but he couldn't help but wonder what his son had gotten in return.

"Hey, you coming?" Kendall peeked his head out from the kitchen.

"Yeah, be there in a second," said James, snapping out of his thoughts.

The four of them crowded around the small table built for two, adding some barstools for the guys while Camille and Henry sat next to each other in chairs. As Camille and Kendall tried to get Henry to eat his salad, James watched in awe. Being an only child, James didn't have a lot of exposure to younger kids. Even when they lived with Katie at the Palm Woods, it wasn't anything like being a parent because she was able to take care of herself, plus she had her mom there if she needed anything.

Engine noises soon surrounded the table. "Henry, look! Here comes the airplane to deliver goodies to your tum-tum!" the young mother said as she waved a forkful of salad around her son's face.

"But it's GREEN, Mama. I don't eat GREEN. It makes me go HULK SMASH."

Kendall raised an eyebrow. "How does your four year old know about the Incredible Hulk?"

"He found an Avengers comic book in the back of a theater and grew really attatched to it, so I started reading it to him. For some reason, he really likes Bruce Banner. I think it's because he has some trouble controlling his emotions too."

James' expression wrinkled with worry. "What do you mean he has trouble controlling his emotions?"

Camille's head quickly whipped around to look at the man who had been rather silent throughout most of their meal. "So now you're invested in him?" she snapped.

"I can see where he gets it." The two glared at each other for a while, Kendall and Henry a captive audience for the show they hadn't expected to see. "You know what? Forget I asked," James followed after a few seconds, hanging his head as he took his plate to the sink.

Kendall waited until James had left, listening for his footsteps up the stairs. "Cam, I know it's not really my place—"

"You're right, Kendall. It's not. I am very grateful that you were able to give Henry and me a home for the time being, but I still reserve my right to be angry with James."

Kendall stood up, gathering his flatware. "I get that some bad sh—STUFF went down with you and James, but for your sake and his," he said pointing at Henry, "talk it out. We're all in a tough place right now, but until you have other options, I suggest you try to make this one work as best you can."

Camille stared into Kendall's eyes, their usual bright green darkened with fury. As she broke their gaze, she felt a lump growing in her throat. "Come on, Henry. Let's get to bed."

"YES!" the little boy jumped out of his seat and ran off towards the kitchen, his mother following closely behind.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 - Relief

Seeing the kitchen still a mess and not wanting to go to sleep in a bad mood, Kendall began cleaning up. There was an odd quiet in the house, as if it was aware of its new tenants and the emotional baggage they carried with them. As Kendall settled into the routine of scrubbing, rinsing, and racking, his thoughts wend to James.

_He shouldn't be taking this so hard. So he got a girl pregnant. It definitely sucks for both of them, but he's not the only one to blame here. It takes two to…well, tango. Besides, Cam definitely started it. Sure, he probably should have kept it in his pants, but she wanted it. She knew what could happen, didn't she? She had to know. I mean, we all took that awkward sex ed class from Miss Collins that one time. Jett was so into that…_way_ too into it. Anyway, there's more to this story and I've gotta know what it is._

Halfway through the pile of dishes, Kendall heard his phone going off on the table and grabbed it. Looking at the caller ID, he smiled wide for the first time in what seemed like days.

"Hey, Addie!" said Kendall, sitting down.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Not much. What about you?"

"Same. Just wanted to see if your day got any better."

"Ha. That's funny."

"That bad?"

"Yeah. There's just a lot of shit going down with James and it's kinda my fault."

"What's going on?"

As Kendall spilled everything to Addie, he could feel the weight coming off his shoulders. Talking to Addie was one of the few things he could count on to make him happy. He really hadn't felt this way about a girl since Jo, and even then, there was something different about Addie. Kendall saw a future with this girl. He saw the picket fence, the 2.5 kids, the block parties, mini-van road trips to hockey games and singing lessons, high school graduations, grand vacations once empty nest syndrome kicked in, all with Addie by his side. Of course, he wouldn't dare say a word to her about it, but Kendall didn't even care as long a she was in his life. Kendall was thankful he had someone like her to talk through this situation objectively.

"Wait, so you have another woman and her kid living in your house now? And James is the dad, but they don't want anything to do with each other? And you knew there would be tension, but you invited her to stay anyway?"

"Well, I didn't know she had a kid. And I didn't know James was the father. But other than that, yeah, that's a good summary. I'm an idiot, right?"

"Kind of, but this could be better than you think."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, I'm guessing that kid's never really had a solid father figure, and obviously your friends have a lot they need to work out. They'd never have worked it out on their own. Maybe this was meant to happen, to bring this family back together."

"Maybe. I guess I never saw it like that."

"Of course not. You're in the thick of it. If I were in your shoes, I'd be going crazy, too."

"How do you do it?" Kendall asked after a few moments.

"Do what?"

"Know what to say to make it seem like it's gonna be okay. At least for a little bit."

"I'm a psych major," Addie replied. "It's what I do." Kendall swore he could hear the swag through the receiver.

"Why don't you take a slice of humble pie, there, Adelaide?"

"I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE!"

"Calm down, no one's around. Besides, I quite like the name Adelaide."

"Really?" Addie's interest was piqued.

"Yeah. It really settles that craving I get for tea and crumpets in the morning," the boy chuckled through a heavy British accent.

There was a loud clap through the receiver. "That's the sound my hand would have made against your face if I were there right now."

"Sorry I'm not sorry."

"I'll let it slide this time. I'm attributing this oddly antagonistic behavior to your current home situation and the toll it is taking on your usually calm state of mind."

"Thank you. Really, Addie, thanks. I needed this."

"Sure thing, man. Like I said—"

"It's what you do," Kendall finished. Suddenly, Kendall felt the energy drain from his body as the events of the day finally set in. "Well, I'm going to head to bed now. I have the feeling tomorrow's gonna be an early day."

"We still on for coffee tomorrow?"

"Absolutely. Good night, Addie."

"Night."

Kendall hung up, feeling a slight wringing in his chest as Addie's picture disappeared from the screen. He took a deep breath and got up, finally ready to put the day behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 – Too Real

_Camille! Camille!_ She could hear her name echoing in the dark around her. The voice she recognized instantly as James' but, try as she might, Camille couldn't see anything. She spun around, trying to find a way out. The only thing she could feel was the floor beneath her, smooth and cold against her bare feet. After a few minutes, Camille noticed small bright light out of the corner of her eye.

"James? James, where are you?" She walked towards the light, trying to feel her way through the dark shadows. As she walked, it seemed the light moved further and further away, always out of reach. After what seemed like hours, Camille finally reached the light and was immediately engulfed by it. Nearly blinded, she covered her eyes. Soon the light dissipated and Camille peeked through open fingers. As her hands dropped, she gasped. She was back in her apartment at the Palm Woods. Her promotional posters for Magic Middle School adorned the living room walls, interspersed with photos of her family. Camille turned around, finding her Young Artist Awards still up on the shelf above the television. As she reached for one, she was startled by a knock on the door. Camille went to answer it, but when she tried to grab the handle, her hand passed straight through it. After a few attempts, she heard footsteps coming from her bedroom. A much younger Camille emerged, tears in her eyes. The sweats, the crop top, the running mascara, it was all coming back to her. "No, it can't be," she whispered as the door burst open.

"Cam, what's wrong? I came as fast as I…have you been crying? Cam, please tell me what's going on!" James stood in the doorway in a panic. His words flew by a mile a minute, his voice laced with worry.

"I'm…" the younger Camille ushered James into the apartment and shut the door. "James, I'm pregnant." She began sobbing.

James walked over to the crying girl, holding her close. "But we…we were careful. We—"

"Well obviously not careful enough!" she cried, pushing James away. The older woman gasped, searing with the same anger her younger self displayed. "What am I going to do, James? _What am I going to do?_"

"Well, are you sure you're even…I mean, how do you—"

Three white plastic sticks fell to the floor, young Camille's arm outstretched. "I'm a week late and they're all positive."

James stared at the pregnancy tests, the blue plus signs searing themselves in his memory. "I'm sorry. I am. I'm so sorry…" His voice trailed as his eyes, too, formed tears.

The room fell silent. Camille watched from the doorway, her heart pounding. Though she'd been here once before, she anxiously hoped the outcome might be different this time around.

"Who knows?" the boy finally mustered.

"Right now, just you."

"When did you figure it out?"

"A few days ago."

Silence fell. Suddenly James fell to one knee.

"James, what are you—"

"Marry me."

"What?"

"You heard me, Camille. Marry me."

"James, what the hell?"

"Look, I can't undo what we did, but I can at least try to make it right."

"Make it right? James, nothing can make this right."

"Well, at least let me try. I've got all this money saved up, we could get a place, I can take care of you. And the baby…We can make this work."

"What about _this_?" Camille gestured between the two of them. "How are we going to make us work?"

"What about us?"

"James, I can barely even look at you after what you did to me, how do you expect me to live with you?"

The tears were streaming down his face now. "Camille, what are you saying?"

The older Camille took a deep breath, bracing herself for what she knew came next.

"You took advantage of me, James! You know it, too. You think I don't remember that night? All your talk about me being something special, a _star_? What a load. Then telling me to keep it a secret the next morning? And of course I did it, because for some reason I thought you were different, I really did. But you're not different, James. You're just like any other man. And to add insult to injury, you went and knocked me up. You didn't care about me at all, James. You just wanted to get in my pants. Well, congratulations. You got what you wanted. Are you happy now?" Hands flew over her mouth as soon as she finished, wishing the words could be taken back.

James looked like he'd been punched in the stomach. "Is that really how you feel?"

Her head hung low, still in shock. "Yes, but—"

"That's all I needed to hear."

Suddenly everything began to fade away. Camille crumbled to the ground as she heard her younger self calling after James, both of their sobs echoing in the darkness.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - Piece of the Puzzle

Camille woke with a start, drenched in a cold sweat. Luckily, the sun was already up. _Might as well start my day,_ she thought. "Henry, time to…" As she sat up to wake her son, she noticed the empty bundle of blankets at the foot of the bed. Panic stricken, she ran to Kendall's room, but to no avail. The door was wide open and the bed freshly made. Turning on her heel, she gasped at the sight before her.

"Oh, thank God!" The stringent voice of a frightened mother rang through the room, waking James from his restless sleep.

"What are you yelling about?"

"This!" Camille pointed to the bed and James rolled over to see a sleeping Henry curled up on the pillow behind him.

" Why is he here?"

Camille walked around the bed, scooping their child into her arms. "That's what I'd like to know! I woke up and he was missing, I thought…" She hugged Henry close, running her fingers through his messy hair.

"Breathe. He's fine, okay? Try to keep it down, he's still asleep."

The boy stirred in Camille's arms. "Mommy?" he asked groggily.

"I guess he's not asleep anymore," she said. "Yes, baby, it's me. Why were you sleeping in Uncle James' bed?" Suddenly her voice was calm and smooth, the way James had always remembered it.

"You were moving too much and I couldn't cuddle with you anymore. Uncle Kindle was snoring, so I came to Uncle Jamie's bed."

James snickered at the remark against his roommate, but stopped after receiving a glare from Camille. "Henry, you scared Mommy. Next time, if you can't sleep, let me know and we'll figure something out, okay? You can't just run away on me."

"But you said we're staying with Kindle and Jamie to stay safe, right?"

Camille's eyes turned away from her son's for a moment. "Yes, sweetie. That's right. Just…" Her voice caught for a second. "Just promise me you'll tell me next time you can't sleep, okay?"

"Okay, mommy." The boy writhed himself out of his mother's arms and made his way down, heading out of the room.

James looked up at Camille, who swiftly following Henry. "Cam, wait."

"Henry, go get dressed, I'll be there in a second!" she called out. Not expecting a response, she turned back to James, who was now sitting at the edge of his bed, clad only in sweatpants. Camille's gaze went straight towards James' rippled torso, each nook and cranny as toned and tanned as she remembered. After a moment, she regained her composure."You get dressed, too. I can't take you seriously without a shirt on."

James smirked as he made his way to the closet. "Glad to see _some_ things haven't changed"

"Just tell me what you want, James." She didn't seem to be amused.

"It could have been worse, you know?"

"I suppose you're right. Sorry for waking you up." There was sadness in her voice. James opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, Camille was already out the door.

Later in the kitchen, James found Camille looking over a newspaper while Henry ate some Cheerios.

"Uncle Jamie!" Henry's cereal went flying as he raised his arms in excitement.

Grabbing a towel to clean up the mess, James waved back.

"Henry, we've talked about this. What are we supposed to do when we get very excited?"

"Take a deep breath, then talk."

"Good. Let's try to practice that from now on. Thanks for getting that, by the way."

James nodded in her direction. He still didn't quite know how to act around the two of them. Camille alone he had all figured out, but Camille in single mother mode was another beast altogether. And Henry? Forget it. The first time he saw Henry, James simultaneously wanted to run away and hug the boy and never let go.

"James, are you okay?"

"Huh?"

"I said 'Are you okay?'."

"Yeah, fine," he said. "Are _you_ okay?"

Camille paused for a moment. "I've been better, but I've definitely been worse."

"So, any big plans for today?" James asked. As dumb as he thought it, small talk was the most he could really muster at the moment.

"Just looking through this," said Camille, holding up the newspaper, "and trying to find a job."

"You have anything in mind?"

"Obviously I'd prefer something in the business, but all things considered, I'll take anything right now."

"Well, if I hear about anything, I'll put in a good word for you."

"Thanks. What about you? Big day?"

"No, actually. I don't have any classes today."

"Fun…" Camille's face wrinkled at the thought of being home with James all day.

Sensing her distaste, James added, "I'm probably gonna go work out at some point with Kendall. And I think I have…a thing later."

"How fun. A thing!"

"Yeah. It'll be real fun. It'll be the most fun-tastic fun of any 'thing' ever."

"He said fun twice, Mommy," The boy giggled.

"You bet I did," James said, the retort almost a reflex.

Even Camille couldn't help but laugh. "You're right. Some things never change."

James eventually sat next to them, also enjoying some Cheerios. As he ate, he took in the scene around him. Between bites, Henry would engage his mother in conversation, Camille beaming at her son's brilliance. James thought about how he might fit into their family dynamic. It was very obvious in ways that Henry hadn't had a father figure, given his instant gravitation to Kendall and James the previous day, but in many ways, James could see that Henry had grown up fine without that influence. Camille had always been a very resilient person, a trait that was evidently passed on to her son. James continued to wonder how he could be in Henry's life, but by the time he reached the bottom of his cereal bowl he saw that, at least for now, just being around his son would be enough.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hey, all! Just wanted to say thanks so much for all the kind words about the story! Just FYI, I probably won't update for about a week since I'm moving into my new place in a few days and on Tuesday I'm gonna go see the boys live (which is super exciting!), but I'll be working on the story when I can :) Thanks again and I hope you enjoy the next few chapters!**

Chapter 11 - Parenthood

After breakfast, James headed to the couch to watch some Good Morning Today. It certainly wasn't his favorite, given his experience during Big Time Rush's first appearance on the show, but since one of his teachers was recently promoted to lead anchor, it had become a routine, just to know whether she would be in a good mood that day.

"Henry, come back!" As soon as he heard it, James saw a tuft of curls push past his mother, who was on the phone. Henry promptly jumped up on the couch next to James, his feet dangling over the edge.

Camille sighed, covering the receiver. "James could you…?" She seemed as unsure as he did, but he nodded anyway.

"What are you watching, Uncle Jamie?"

"Good Morning Today. It's the news."

"News is boring," Henry pouted.

"Trust me, this is the least boring news around." James chuckled, remembering the antics he and the guys had gotten into on their set all those years ago.

"Well, I wanna watch cartoons!" Henry scrambled over James' lap, feebly attempting to grab the remote control.

Snatching the remote before the four year old could reach it, James changed the channel. "Hey! This thing is like $300! No touching the remote!"

The boy pouted. "WHY NOT?"

"Because it's mine and I said so!" James didn't care that he sounded like a toddler, but he came to regret the words as soon as he'd spoken them.

Henry's face began to turn bright red, scrunching up into a grimace. Within seconds, the house was ringing with the boy's wailing screams, tears flowing from his eyes.

"JAMES! Kitchen. Now." Camille stood in the doorway, her eyes piercing with rage. As James got up, he looked down at the boy, who was now writhing around on the couch, his tantrum escalating.

"Shouldn't you be trying to calm him down?" James looked back at the screaming banshee that was his son.

"He'll tire himself out in a few minutes."

"Yes, but I can't think with him screaming."

"Welcome to parenthood. Now what the hell did you do?"

"He was trying to grab the remote and I told him not to."

"Why the hell did you do that?"

"It's a _three hundred dollar_ remote, Cam. I didn't want him to break it!"

"But telling him no hurts his feelings."

"Hurts his feelings? No builds character."

"Oh, so now you're some sort of parenting expert?"

"NO," he put special emphasis on the word., "But you know as well as I do that life is the land of no, and letting him cry every time something doesn't go his way isn't going to make that any easier."

"Well you don't get to decide that. I do."

"So what, now I'm not allowed to interact with him?"

"No. You're not. Henry, let's go, mommy has some errands to run." Camille brushed past him, scooping up the still sobbing child and slamming the door behind her.

"Kendall, that bitch is gonna drive me crazy." James said between lifts. He and Kendall had been at the gym for the last hour, but as the hour progressed, it seemed to Kendall that the only thing that got a work out was James' mouth.

"As your spotter, I feel like you should cool it down little bit. As your friend, I feel you bro. And as Camille's friend, she's not a bitch and you know it. Parenthood changes people."

"But not allowing me to talk to my kid? Granted, I didn't get to talk to him before, but come on!" The weight slammed down onto the rack, shaking the floor below them. James sat up, wiping sweat from his brow. "Haven't I suffered enough already?"

"Well, I don't know the whole story since _someone_ likes to keep a tight lid on their problems," Kendall looked pointedly at his friend. "But I think I can help you."

"How the hell are you gonna do that?"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 – It Gets Real

"NO." Camille and James were staring at a smug Kendall, the mischievous glint in his eyes all too familiar. Camille had put Henry to bed early, both of them tired from a long day of job hunting. Kendall had sat the two of them down after dinner and come up with, in his mind, very civil "living agreements" for all of them.

"Hear me out, here. The three of us have to figure out how to live together and the longer we put this off, the worse it's going to get. So are we ready to mediate?"

James sloughed back into his seat. "Let's get this over with."

"What did you have in mind, Kendall?" Camille had her game face on.

"Well, first off, I think we should get the Henry boundaries covered. Now, I know for now you're having him refer to us as uncles, which I find super cute, by the way—"

"Pandering's not a good color on you, buddy." James rolled his eyes.

"BUT," the mediator continued, "being that James is Henry's dad, he should be able to interact with him on a more personal level. Now, it's up to you two how you figure all that out, but I think we can all agree that since James is going to be in Henry's life, and vice versa, they have the right to get to know each other."

"James, what do you think?" Camille looked across the table in earnest. She still hadn't quite gotten used to the idea of Henry and James being together, but under the circumstances, she wasn't in a position to argue.

"I would love to get to know Henry. Now, Cam—"

"Uh-uh," Kendall interjected. "You and Camille need to sit down and figure this out together, without me. You're the parents and I'm not running interference on that. Deal?"

"Deal," the parents reluctantly agreed.

"Good. Speaking of you two, I highly recommend you guys get your relationship settled as well. I don't really care how that happens as long as you don't kill each other, but for my sanity and your own, please sort it out." Suddenly, Kendall popped out of his chair and turned towards the staircase. "Have fun with that!" he called out as he ran upstairs.

"What about you?" James yelled."

A cheery voice came from the shadows, "I don't need to mediate! I'm awesome!" His smirk could be heard all the way downstairs.

Then the silence started. It was a dense silence, filled with four years of unspoken words and suppressed feelings. It was the kind of silence that made you want to scream for noise's sake. Unfortunately, James and Camille had grown quite comfortable with that kind of silence, which made the next few moments that much more unbearable.

"Well, we haven't really talked since…" James started nervously.

"No, that's true. Not really."

"So…what have you been up to?"

"Other than birthing and raising our child, you mean?"

"I figured that part was obvious. I mean…well, what happened? How did you end up here?" James leaned in, intently listening.

"After you guys left, I worked for as long as I could until I started showing. My dad and I moved out of the Palm Woods, but he made it very clear that I couldn't count on him forever. For about a year, we made it work, both of us taking odd jobs while the other watched Henry until one day I came home and found my dad's bags waiting by the door. He told me that it was time for me to 'work it out on my own,' meaning he either couldn't or wouldn't support me anymore. I never found out which. Luckily, that was around the time I booked that play Kendall saw me in and that gave me enough to support myself. Lucy was still around then and she kind of became my live-in babysitter. After a few months, though, I was back to working odd jobs here and there. I got a pretty steady job at a diner for a while, but once Lucy's band got signed to a major label and took off on tour, I had to stop so I could take care of Henry full time. We signed up for welfare and food stamps, and that worked up until about a year ago. That's when we moved into a homeless shelter. We could have stayed there, honestly, but Henry's going to start school soon and I just don't want him to have to go through life thinking that he is less than anyone else for where he lives or that his mom can't work. I've been looking for a job, any job, since we moved into the shelter and I'm just not getting anything, especially in this economy. All my auditions have been swift rejections and I'm not qualified to do much else. I have a GED, but that will only get me so far. Right now I'm between waitressing or becoming a cleaning lady somewhere. So much for the home of the future famous."

James had tears in his eyes. "Camille. I'm so sorry."

"James, don't. It's not all your fault. I could have avoided all this and I didn't."

"You tried, Cam. You thought you were doing the right thing for the two of you." James grimaced. He knew it wasn't so simple. "No one could have predicted that it would end up like this."

"Do you think it really would have been better if we'd actually gone through with it, James?"

"I can't say. I really can't. But do you think it would have been worse?"

Camille buried her head in her hands, thinking back to that day. James' red puffy eyes were still seared in her mind. She'd never seen his hair so lifeless, his soul so obviously shattered. The fact that it was her fault that he felt that way made it even worse. Her accusations were unfair and she never forgave herself for it. James was prepared to walk away from everything for her, and she threw it in his face. Every day she thought about what it might have been like if only she had said "yes." They could have made it work. Camille knew, however, that if she hadn't said all those things she said that day, it would have stayed in her heart and on her mind. It would have come out eventually and who knows how it would manifest itself after years of suppression. The thought alone was enough to frighten her.

"Hey, are you okay?" James reached for her now trembling hands.

Swiftly and silently, Camille pulled away from the table. Their eyes met, hers cold as steel.

"It could have been so much worse, James."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - It's The Little Things

Camille went straight to bed after her talk with James, but sleep didn't come easily. Her thoughts turned to James and how the last four years had really been for him. On paper, he was rather successful. He was about to complete a college career with decent-ish grades (it is James, after all), on top of being a state hockey champion, retired international pop star, and former Cuda spokesperson. James accomplished everything he'd set out to do. James' success wasn't without its struggles, and while he'd certainly gotten what she thought was the better end of the deal, she was proud of him.

She chuckled as she thought of what everyone would say if they knew that she had a fling with The James Diamond. Big Time Rush was a guilty pleasure of many of her former waitress co-workers and it was no secret that James was the hot one. The James Diamond that the world saw was just one facet to the young man she'd grown up with, though. They were instant friends and even at first glance she could tell there was more to him underneath that beautifully tanned and sculpted exterior. The two of them had many conversations about how, though he was proud of his looks, he thought he could never get past them. His appearance was both a blessing and a curse to him. Despite their past, she still knew he was a kind soul and he really cared about her and everyone he knew.

There was a specific memory that she had of James that had endeared him to her for good. They had both gone to audition for Witches of Rodeo Drive together, and though he'd gotten the role over her, James turned it down to make her feel better. He'd tried to keep it a secret, but when the call came through, she could hear the entire conversation. She'd never reveal the knowledge, of course, but after that day, Camille noticed him doing little things like that for others. He was a fierce protector of his friends, even more so of the girls in his life (especially Katie Knight, for some odd reason), and he truly was Camille's best friend.

Yes, it's true, James was a great friend, but those first two weeks after their little indiscretion broke her completely, and he'd never know how much it killed her. Sure, James wasn't her first, but he was the first to mean something. It tore at her that she couldn't share her happiness with anyone. Even if she hadn't promised James to keep quiet, Jo was busy shooting her new show and the boys would have murdered James for breaking the Best Friend Code. As the days and the hangover passed, the story became warped in her mind, sweet and romantic one moment, bitter and horrifying the next. And then the pregnancy came. The prospect of bringing a child into the world was so great and overwhelming that the anger consumed Camille until she couldn't separate fact from fiction. What do you do when your world is falling apart and your best friend is to blame?

At least she had a few people who she could talk to after the fact. Her father wouldn't support her monetarily, but he did check in with her every once in a while, and so did Lucy. Kendall didn't even know any of this had happened. Did James tell _anyone_? Did he wonder about the two of them? Did he wonder about her? Admittedly, she had a lot more important things to worry about than James but that didn't mean he didn't cross her mind from time to time. It wasn't usually pleasant, but it happened. How did he think of her? _God. He must hate me._

Seeing that sleep wasn't going to happen anytime soon, Camille got up and went to her suitcase. Looking through the pockets, eventually she pulled out a worn envelope. On each of Henry's birthdays, Camille had written letters to James recounting all the things he had missed that year. She never intended to send them, but still, every year Camille sat down wherever she could and penned the details of Henry's life, like his first step, his first teeth and his diagnosis with ADHD. Looking over the letters, Camille thought of all the things that James had missed out on in Henry's life, and in hers. While she and Henry had had a rough time of things over the last few years, she couldn't help but think that perhaps she'd gotten the better end of the bargain. Try as she might, Camille couldn't imagine what it would be like knowing Henry could be out there in the world but not knowing how he was or what was going on with her life. Camille had James the privilege and blessing of being part of Henry's life, and as she finally lay down to sleep, she wondered if James would ever forgive her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey, everyone! Sorry for the long wait! School's starting up for me and I'm in the middle of an online class, so things are kind of crazy. Since I go back to school next week, I can't promise that I'm gonna start updating more frequently, but trust me, I'm working hard on this for all of you guys :) Hope you enjoy this one!**

Chapter 14 - Drinks Between Friends

The air outside was noticeably more humid, a rarity for coastal California. Along with the familiar sea aroma, the breeze carried with it the smell of rain, which had been looming over the LA area for a few days. James stared out at the deep blue sky against the neighborhood. Not quite dark, he could hear a few of the kids in the neighborhood getting the last of their playtime. He thought of his days back in Minnesota, and later at the Palm Woods, staying out to play street hockey with the guys. Everything was so simple back then. No jobs, barely any responsibilities, no women, and no children of their own. Though he'd come to terms with the prospects of being a father as soon as the blue plus signs appeared before his eyes, James had hoped that it would turn out differently.

He jumped at the sound of the glass door sliding open. "Dude, I'm gonna get you a bell or something. This ninja shit isn't gonna cut it."

"Sorry," Kendall smirked. "I saw you out here and thought I might join you. Want a brew?" The cold metal numbed as it hit James' lap.

"Coors Light? Dude."

"It's all we have left. I think Guitar Dude left it here after our last party."

"No thanks. I'll stay dehydrated. You know what's crazy? After all these years, we still don't know Guitar Dude's real name."

Kendall grimaced as he took a swig of his beer. "Wow, that's really bad…it's Jeff, by the way. His name."

"Jeff? He doesn't seem like a Jeff."

"He also doesn't seem like a concert cellist, and yet…"

"Good point. Oh, what the hell, I'll take that glorified water," The can snapped and hissed as it opened. "I need the alcohol."

"I take it your talk didn't go well?"

"I wouldn't say that." Kendall raised an eyebrow. "Okay, I would. It was terrible. It started off alright, and then we started talking about marriage—"

"Well, that escalated quickly!"

"Not like that! I mean…well, kind of."

As James recounted the story of his proposal to Camille and its rather ceremonious reception, Kendall's jaw slackened. He searched James' eyes for a hint that this was all a cruel joke, but after the week they'd had, Kendall knew he wouldn't find what he was looking for. "She said no?"

"I thought that was covered with the 'she kicked me out of her place and never spoke to me again' bit," James quipped, taking a long drink from his now lukewarm beer.

"Okay, I've gotta work on the 'Captain Obvious' syndrome I've come down with. Why would she say no, though?"

"Hell if I know, man."

Kendall thought for a while. After a few minutes, he pulled out his phone. "There's one person I know who can help us figure this out." He put the phone on speaker, and almost immediately, there was an answer.

"Hello?" A feminine voice came through the other end.

"Jo! How's it going? You're on speaker with James, by the way."

"Hey, boys! I'm good. What's up?"

"Well…we have some girl issues."

Jo's eye-roll could be felt from the other end. "Kendall, how many times do I have to tell you that the friend zone doesn't exist?"

"It's not for me this time. It's about Camille."

"Oh. How are things going with that?"

James coughed awkwardly. "She knows?" he whispered.

"Yes, she knows," Jo responded. "You really thought I wouldn't?"

"Good point. Things are going okay, but I've hit a roadblock. So we were talking and well, wehen I found out about Henry back in the day, I proposed to her."

"Awww!"

Kendall stifled a giggle. "Isn't it so rom-UGH."

"James punched you, didn't he?"

"You bet I did."

"Good. So I'm assuming she said no."

James threw his head back, clearly disappointed with his two painfully blonde friends. "What is with you two? Don't you think you'd know if I was engaged?"

Kendall stared pointedly.

"What do you want, Eyebrows McGee?"

"Dude, you had a kid for four years and we didn't know about it."

Jo laughed in agreement. "Kendall's got a point."

"Fuck y'all."

Kendall opened his mouth to rebut, but Jo quickly chimed in. "I know he didn't mean it, Kenny." He twitched. "So you need me to help you figure out why she didn't accept your offer. Okay. Well, I can't argue with it from a quality of life standpoint, at least for her. But you…you might not have been as happy. Maybe she was doing it for you."

"For me? I was doing this for her!"

Kendall's eyes widened. "Ok, I think I get it. Think about this for a second. What if instead of saying all that crap she told you then, she'd bottled it up for years and years. If you two had gotten married—"

"We'd have ended up like my parents." James recalled the heated arguments. Now that he thought about it, it was his mother's voice he remembered the most, strident and distressed. He had hated his father for putting her in this position, making her feel that way, but perhaps he and his father had more in common than he thought.

"Thanks for the help, Jo," Kendall said with a yawn. "Man, that beer did a number on me. I think I'm gonna call it a night."

"Okay, you guys take care. Say hi to Camille for me, pass along my number. I'd love to catch up if she's up for it."

"Will do. Bye."

James sighed, gently tugging his hair. Seconds later, he swiftly drew his hands to his lap. "God, this whole thing is so stressful, I don't even care what I do to my hair anymore."

"You asshole," Kendall rolled his eyes grabbing James' half full beer can from the floor by his chair. You look fantastic and you know it."

"It's the principal of the matter."

"Alright, whatever you say. Hey, don't stay up too late. We've gotta be early tomorrow, alright?"

"Ok. Thanks for this, man."

Kendall gave a gentle smile and went inside. As James looked up at the seemingly empty sky, relief and worry filled his mind. It was nice seeing things from Camille's point of view, but something in the back of his mind told him this was only the beginning.


End file.
